Permission

I have a fear of rejection. I have had this since I was a child and I was at other people's houses and needed to ask for a drink of water. Unless I knew the person INCREDIBLY well (for example my own mother) I couldn't ask, even though it is a request no reasonable person would say no to.

This has progressed into adulthood (yes I can now ask for things like water and where the bathroom is etc.) and it makes it hard to ask permission to do things in case they say no.

IF I ask and IF they say no, then I would honour their wishes, but it has always been a temptation to just... not tell them. I can't lie, but I can Not Volunteer Information. This does NOT work because people have a way of finding out things and while they would most likely have given permission, they like to be asked. I know this because if a child wants to go into my area, I am likely to say yes if they ask and get cranky if they don't. It is a respect thing.

So why am I so unwilling to ask permission? Does anyone else have this issue or is it just me? I know that hearing a No is not that devastating, you just move on with life, especially if you were prepared for the possibility and a yes is then a surprise and a bonus.

Any thoughts?

Toffee

One of the children and I decided toffee would be a fun thing to make, so we rang up my mother to get the recipe and began. Sugar, water, vinegar, green food colouring, stir till sugars dissolved over low heat, bring to boil without stirring, go outside to play and it turns a beautiful brownish colour instead of green and smells and tastes distinctly burnt. Also it turns out that super heated sugar and water snaps and cracks when dropped into a glass of cold water. Uncertain of how to dispose of the unusable and seriously hot mixture I ran cool water into it in small doses until it was cold and then poured it into a horse paddock. Today there will be some happy horses if they find it.

We tried again after dinner (this time leaving out the step where we leave it and do something else) and it worked beautifully. We have clear, green toffee that looks like glass and is rock hard and clean rather then slimy. I also cut up an apple into slices and we made little toffee apples which were delicious if eaten at once. The juice from the apple dissolved the toffee over night and it ended up at apple floating in syrup. But last night it was really good.

Cats and Kids

Cats like regular, one on one attention, children like one on one attention.

Cats usually ask when you are busy, children usually ask when you are busy.

Cats like attention on their own terms, times and varieties, children like attention at times and in ways they want.

Cats give up trying if you keep saying no, children give up if you keep putting it off.

Cats know when they have had enough time and attention and leave to do something else, children know when they have had enough and are more willing to play by themselves.

With both cats and children there is no need to give in instantly every time, but if you say to a child "in 5 minutes we can play" then in 5 minutes you need to go and play. Cats are a lot less verbal but I can read Romeo's body language pretty well when he wants a snuggle, like with children you can put it off until you have finished what you need to do but if you put it off forever, your cat will become a traitor and sit on anybody else's lap for preference. Children may also go to others for the love and attention they need and this can be dangerous.

Words of dubious wisdom from a person who does not particularly like cats and who does not have her own children.

Cat separation anxiety

Cats: I reckon that cats have separation and abandonment issues for life if they are taken away from their mum too soon. I think this because Wednesday, the beautiful little grey cat (here she is, owning my pillow), has some strange habits. For example while all cats knead a bit with their paws before settling down, Wednesday does this excessively and for ages after lying down and even dozing off. Since she uses claws as well, this can be really annoying. She also burrows into warm little holes, like the one made by your neck when you lay down. I reckon she is trying to recreate how she would have behaved as a tiny kitten to her mum when she wanted a sleep or some milk.

Horse Training part 3

I have had a break from training Arakei because of adverse weather conditions and other interruptions of life. Yesterday I was feeling energetic, the weather was ok AND my boss had told me she wanted the jump stands I was using. I got some sacking and cut it into three or four strips and hung it onto the "Terrifying Face Flapper" I also built a little jump, about fifteen inches high, and decided to make use of the "Revolting Puddle".

I had brought Arakei with me and he watched me set all this up and then obediently followed me around and through the obstacles. Only a slight difficulty with the "Revolting Puddle". I decided he needed a harder task and went and found a small tarp and weighted the corners with bricks. He had a little sniff at it, tried walking around it but when that received no rest, he walked on a stood there. This brand new obstacle was over come without a halter and without batting an eyelid.

Today I added a wooden board raised onto bricks, again he did not bat an eyelid and followed me first time without a halter. The whole Obstacle Course ran like this. We trot over the jump, walk through the "Terrifying Face Flapper" over the "Tarp of Crackling Death" around a corner then over the "Scary Wooden Board" and a circle around a single pole then halt.

We completed it a few times then I came and invited my boss to come and watch, she was meant to be studying but seemed ready for a break and came to sit on the fence to watch. In spite of an audience, he was perfect and did everything calmly and nicely. She suggested teaching him to stand with his front feet in a tyre (The Tyre of DOOM it shall now be called). We thought it would be comparatively easy, BUT apparently he either didn't understand what was wanted and became frustrated, or it is more scary then I thought.

I put the halter on for the first time since starting, and helped him to understand what was wanted. Eventually he stood with his front feet in the tyre and we did the Head Down to relax trick. After that we stopped and he went to his paddock, that way we finished on a high.

Another suggestion was getting him to walk over the "Scary Wooden Board" as a seesaw. Since he had issues with the tyre I will leave that one till we have conquered the "Tyre of DOOM"

Cat Communication

Those of you who have been in the vicinity of cats for any length of time will know that cats train their humans and they have a number of commands which we obey usually unhesitatingly. The most common three are

1) FEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEE, I am STAAAAAARVING. This is both a vocal command and, if the response is not instant, rubbing against legs and generally making a nuisance of themselves.

2) Up now, let me in/out this instant! This is mainly vocal but usually includes the death stare if one does not respond quickly.

3) This is one that I did not realize even existed but it is "go and sit down or lie down somewhere so I can sleep on you." This is the most tricky to work out, it sounds and looks the same as the first commandexcept that when you go and look there is already food there. Romeo has given up the verbal bit and just falls over in front of where I am walking as seen here.

Rub foot and roll

Lay still for a moment, confident in the irritating nature of his position

Look up and say "come on, what are you waiting for?

After a hard days sleeping on a chair, he is ready for a nap on my stomach.

Cooking

This is another blog post thingy about cooking which makes two or three in a row I think.

I have spent a lot of time in my life cooking cakes and biscuits and things. When I was little it was one of the ways mum spent one on one time with me and my brother and sisters. She was smart and refused to cook with more then one child at a time, now I can see why. I think of all of us, I am the one who enjoys cooking the most, I taught three other kids to cook from scratch (not packets) before I turned 14 and now I cook something with the kids I look after about once a week.

I had stopped cooking for pleasure though, I cooked dinners out of necessity, morning teas and suppers because they were needed and since I moved here, cakes and biscuits because a child wants to make them. I had forgotten the pleasure of just cooking because you feel like it and not for any reason. The difference is time and choice, if it is someone else that suggests cooking, it is their choice of what to make. If it is for a function or event there is a time limit about when and also what you will make. Somehow these take some of the pleasure out.

Now that I am almost entirely in charge of the family dinners (my boss is NOT fighting me for it) I am finding a pleasing kind of responsible feeling, and planning ahead novelty, I had not expected. When I cook just for myself, there is a bit of that, but I can make it when I get hungry, rather then to a time table, and make what I feel like eating, without reference to others.

Cooking by myself while listening to music I like, planning meals for the week and what I will make for afternoon teas, cooking without time pressures, this is a useful and simple pleasure.

Afternoon tea

Because apparently school food is not very nice, the kids come home pretty hungry and desirous of snacks. The usual choice is chips and shapes which are nice but not very filling or good for you, they are also expensive and essentially made from air. As a result of this I have started, when I feel inclined, to cook food for them for afternoon tea, this is because it is cheaper and nicer and I am usually bored anyway.

The first time, I made Anzac Slice (essentially Anzac biscuits but pressed into a tin, this is quicker and easier then biscuits). They were ok except that it was hard to ensure it was cooked properly without burning.

Next I did pikelets, these are good and went down pretty well but they need to be cooked fairly recently to be at all nice.

Yesterday I made pumpkin scones, these were just coming out of the oven when the family got home and were extremely nice. When they came inside they asked what I had made, I said scones, I did not mention pumpkin until they had eaten them. I then asked them if they liked the pumpkin scones and everyone stopped and there was some exclamation of shock and horror and then they decided it was ok, they could eat them again. Their mum and I laughed ourselves silly. Then there was one left over and my boss and I were going to go halves but suddenly three voices clearly indicated they would like a piece too.

Next time I will make 2 each I think.

Making Pasta

One day, while all the kids were home but neither parent was present (possibly holidays) We decided to make pasta for lunch using my pasta roller. Here are results. As you can see we decided to make blue pasta.

Dogs and Dirt

I have not said much about the dogs yet. Simba is a really OLD Golden Labrador, Friday is a four month old Chocolate Labrador Puppy. This photo was taken a while ago when she was about
2 1/2 months old. She is nearly as big as Simba now.

Friday needs to go to the vet today for a needle in the car that I drive. Beca

use it has been raining a b

it recently, all the lovely red dirt has turned to red mud. I knew she was dirty (even

though you can't see it) So I gave her a bath and because I could see that SImba was not a yellow dog anymore but a blotchy red and brown dog, she had a shower. I did not think to get a photo of the bath water after just the puppy had been in it or a photo of Simba before her bath but this is them after and the bath empty of water (but not of dirt).

Country Kids

A conversation at dinner ran like this;

Dad: "What do you want for your birthday" (boy is turning 8)

Son: "A gun"

Dad: "Your a bit young for a gun, it would knock you over, maybe when you turn 10"

Son: "Ok

Dad: "Maybe we can set you up with a BB gun"

I love how it is not "No, guns are dangerous, when you are 18 you can get a licence and buy a gun and I will show you how to use it safely" Instead it is "not right now but I will get you a practice gun in the meantime.

Irritating day

It is 830 am and already the day promises to be one of those irritating ones where movement happens and nothing is achieved.

I went out to do the horses and first had to move Arakei into his paddock. Unfortunately, half through this exercise I realized the gate at the other end of his paddock was open to the big cow paddock (no cows happily).

Instead of going and getting a halter, or taking him back and going to shut the gate I stupidly went with him to shut it. Unsurprisingly he bolted. I went out to catch him but if he does not want to be caught this is impossible, more so in 100 acres of grass.

Two guys in a digger arrived while I was doing this, and edged their way noisily into his paddock. I thought "there is not point putting him in that place with a terrifying instrument of death" so I collected the various buckets lying around and went up to the yard he was in originally.

For some reason, either curiosity, he thought he would get fed (buckets usually indicate this eventuality), or he did not want to be left alone on the big paddock when scary things were going on, He cantered all the way up the hill and back into the gate I had open for him.

After 20 minutes I had put a lot of effort into achieving absolutely nothing beyond giving a small horse and exciting adventure. I can tell this will be an irritating day.

Company

For the last four working days, I have had the company of some painters of walls (not artists). I decided I still needed music to function and they could just deal with it. The big tall one sang along with me to Aladdin and the Lion King and we had a lot of fun laughing and talking at intervals between jobs.

The dark brown dog is now partly blue and slightly white (guess what colours the house was painted).

The men ALL thought horses were so much waste of space and one of them gave me some leftover bread to feed a horse that was standing three meters away from him. I asked him if he wanted to feed it to him but he said "I don't do horses"

Also in case you are wondering you CAN hear through glass, I was cleaning the outside of a window and the man on the other side told his friend "she is cleaning the windows, you know, the weird one"

That was a fun four days and I laughed myself silly at them a few times

Lap Sharing

I have noticed that my lap is very popular among small children. I can fit two children comfortably and 3 very uncomfortably if they are under four years old. Recently I have noticed that it is popular for the cats that live here to sit on. Romeo thinks I am here merely as a pre-warmed sleeping place and will often fall over in front of where I am walking to get my attention and indicate it is time for me to go into cat couch mode.

Tonight, the tem year old was sitting on my lap to do her reading and I was reading too for company and Romeo came and glared for a minute then jumped up. I told him I already had one beautiful person on my lap and there wasn't room for two, he apparently disagreed. He tried to curl up on my chest, which was all that was available to him, but there wasn't really room and you could see it wasn't working for him. After a few minutes of trying and glaring at me and the child, he got down and stalked away in disgust at not being treated like the royalty he obviously is.

Arakei Training

I had to move Arakei and Willow from the paddock they were in so I could let out the others from the stable. I have not done anything with Arakei for a few weeks because I have been busy or lazy or the weather was revolting. I went and got a halter and lead rope and apparently they were both feeling energetic because they chose to canter round the paddock for 10 or 15 minutes before coming to me.

When they came, I led them both around the bending poles and things then took Willow out of the paddock so I could have focused time with Arakei. I lead him round the paddock, walking and trotting, then led him over a 40 cm jump then a 55 cm jump without a lead rope.

When I took him to his paddock, his manners were much better and he stood at the gate after I let him off instead of running away.

Horses, like children, forget their manners quickly if you don't keep on top of it all the time, however they do remember quickly as well.

More Cows

For a while now we have had a respite from pesky cows. Yesterday though, I had to remove stable muck that had piled up and for that it is easier to have gates open. I shut Major in a temporary paddock and opened the necessary gates. The temporary paddock was in the big paddock and made of unelectrified electric fencing tape. Horses don't go through it but cows appear to have no difficulties with them. I came out with a load and saw that Major was now sharing his 12 or so square meters with about 10 cows who had knocked the fence down to make more room.

As I approached, the cows bolted and Major, sensing his opportunity, went with them. This was really annoying because Choice was already out in the big paddock and if more then one is out there they buddy up and vanish instead of hanging around the house.

I went out and caught Choice and tied her up in the shed paddock and gave her some hay to entertain herself with. I got the wheel barrow and then went to dump it on the pile and had to chase more cows from the area with a long piece of hose.

The rest from cows was nice but it is over now.

Sleep Patterns

I have noticed that since I moved up here my whole sleep time seems to have moved earlier. I struggle to stay awake past 830, and I struggle to sleep past 6 (especially in summer). I reckon that this is because if you wake up early and do stuff, you go to sleep earlier because you are tired, so you wake up early naturally and so on.

I man who wrote about his experiences in hospital (can't remember who) said that, for getting up early, one need only go to sleep on an empty stomach. Your hunger will wake you up, you will have time to have a leisurely breakfast, do the little jobs, maybe some gardening etc. then arrive at work bright and early with the cheerful advocating and early morning and a good breakfast to your hungry, sleep deprived colleagues. Then, having had such a long day, you get home, stumble through the night time jobs, too tired to cook dinner you go to bed hungry and the cycle repeats itself.

This unfortunately makes it hard to watch movies and things if you fall asleep at 9 o clock.

Good Times

Here is something that is difficult to do spontaneously unless you live on a property.

Some members of the family were going to see a school musical and others were extremely disappointed that they were not allowed to go. We decided to see if we could have a fire and bought marshmallows in case we could. If we couldn't, candles are good for marshmallow cooking.

When we got home the kids rang their dad and asked for a fire and he said yes so they spent some time collecting wood. We made home-made pizza's and ate them outside at the fire, we cooked marshmallows and experimented with the best way to cook them, then we used sticks to poke the fire and light bits that were sticking out.

I maintain that firstly the best way to eat a marshmallow is to cook it slowly over the hot coals till it is melted not burnt and I have converted the two who were with me to that effect. Also, when asked why we needed sticks, I pointed out the 3 main uses for a fire, firstly to burn rubbish, secondly to cook marshmallows and thirdly to poke with a stick. Other people thought keeping warm was a fairly big use but I reckon that is just an added bonus.

It was a REALLY good night.

Letter writing

Most people that I talk to are very busy. These people think emails are better that letters because of many good reasons that you all know already since you apparently have internet. I can tell you have internet because you are reading my blog. I am going to shamelessly promote pen-and-paper letter writing. Huge advantages of letter writing:

Letters are something you can pick up and put down and think about what to write for a long time.

Letters can be written anywhere, and especially good place is in a car while waiting for somebody, or outside in the sun.

Letters help you think in the same way a diary does, it is a diary that a specific person is allowed to read.

Letters take so long to write (sometimes days) and a long time to get to its destination that even if you tell the recipient something you have already mentioned by phone they have probably forgotten it by now.

Letters are really nice to receive and curl up and read. My mother writes hilarious letters and I sit there in the lounge room cackling and giggling to myself while nobody else has a clue what is going on.

Letters are not information tools like emails are. Heather, my sister, wrote 6 A4 pages to me one time and the information I got was "I like my job, I moved into a house, I have a friend at work I really like and I am going to a good church and on the music team there." The rest was her hilarious waffling.

I wrote letters to people and the result was that some of these people rediscovered letter writing (and a friend made me a beanie).

I like emails too but letters are special.

Horrible Horses

Choice is the biggest horse on the property and last night I was looking out the window when I saw her kick something I couldn't quite see. She did 2 big double back kicks and I jumped up and went outside hoping it wasn't a human she had kicked. It turned out it was the new pony she had given the flogging too and he is ok. Today however, she kicked the biscuit of hay out of my bosses hand while she was feeding her. She got into some pretty severe trouble and lost the hay and is now not allowed to socialize with other horses for a while.

I have nearly been kicked by her twice now and I my impression, when I tell people, is that they are wondering what stupid thing I was doing near her. She is not yet ready to try for actual collision (she could have gotten me both times very easily) but it is more a test to see if she gets away with it.

I think she needs some chasing round a paddock but I can't do it because she is a working horse for one of the kids and I don't want to make the situation worse.

Mood

Lately I have been noticing that I have been less cheerful then usual. I was wondering why and therefore I went for a walk without my ipod and talked it over with God (out loud, in the country that does not attract strange looks except from cows). I didn't work out why but I realized I have not been praying much and I have not been playing with the kids much.

Playing with kids, like exercise, is hard to say yes to, but once you actually start, and really get into it, it is incredibly fun and you feel good afterwards. Since it is a 7 yr old boy who wants me to play, I am usually playing running games. Yesterday, he wanted to dance to the music at a truck festival and was too shy to go out by himself. I went pout with him and we played and skipped and spun in circles and fell over among a bunch of preschoolers (who all joined in). We had a blast and I was hot and tired at the end but felt good. Today we played 2 a side soccer with his sister and father and we got hot and tired and had a blast.

I am now heaps more likely to laugh and I feel like I am allowed to be tired. If a child asks to kick a ball, or colour in, or dance, or play tip, or play balloon volleyball, or whatever, say yes. Even though you are tired, wanting to read or needing to do the washing up. It will help you feel better to be a silly, clumsy, idiot for a while.

Horse Training part 2

Yesterday I took Arakei to the round yard where I had set up the scary bailing twine curtain. I took off his halter and he followed me round the yard and through the curtain in a completely bored "been there, done that, what next" fashion. I did it again, both ways a few more times. Where the day before he was taking off in all directions unless he had a halter on, yesterday he took it all in his stride.

The next step is to get him through one of those brightly coloured, hard to see through, terrifying door curtains. That was going to be today but although I set it up to my satisfaction, I didn't have time and it was too windy to do it properly. Like with battling children, don't start something with a horse unless you have the time and energy to finish (and win).

Horse Training

Arakei is a little pony I have already mentioned in previous posts. He is a keen learner and a well coordinated little bloke. I had previously taught him to come and follow me without a lead rope or halter and, even after 2 weeks spent too far away to even see him, I was pleased to see he remembered his lessons and after a brief run about the paddock, followed me around the bending poles.

Today, I set up a curtain of bailing twine hung from a stick and set it across the top most setting of a jump stand. It was a simple and comparatively non terrifying piece of equipment and easily disposable since it is made of bailing twine and we have it coming out of our ears. This is the first step, I think, to teach him to do other such scary things as walking over a tarp, walking through a sheet, or walking in a puddle.

I walked him round some bending poles to get him in practice and to give him a success and then led him up to the curtain, I let him look at it for a bit then encouraged him to come through, unsurprisingly he bolted. I brought him back and tried many times before noticing that he would bolt to the side even before he approached the curtain. I did not want to teach him to run out all the time so I made him run around for ages and then put on the halter and led him to the curtain. I used the halter to guide him through and to discourage bolting out the side, after a very little bouncing around I moved a section of the curtain aside and he dashed through. He went through a lot more times after that, from both sides, and then I tried it without a halter. He bolted every time so I hunted him round the paddock again for AGES and then tried again and again. Knowing that he would be ready to stop soon and wanting to end on a high, I put the halter on him and led him through 10 times and eventually got him to be able to walk through pretty calmly.

The next step for tomorrow is to get him through without a lead rope. I need to work out how but I think it will involve the round yard.

Bible Study

I grew up in a bible family where mum taught me a lot about reading the bible and working out what it says. Later on, going to bible study at my local church in Maitland helped me to develop from basic comprehension to open discussion and a group of people working out together what a passage is saying. Now I am living in a comparative bible desert and I go to KYB every Tuesday and everyone has their answers written down before they get there and we just read them out. Some people just rewrite the bible text as their answer, others paraphrase and some try to work out what it means.

I went home last week and took the opportunity to go to bible study and was mildly surprised about how much I had forgotten about how it works, how to listen, how to build on other peoples answers, how to pray realistically and unselfishly. I am used to being one of the more knowledgeable people in the group and it was humbling to remember just how much I don't see and need to be pointed out.

I need to go to KYB now...