Accidental decisions

When working with kids, you can't change your mind. If you say no and then think "actually that would be OK" then it is too late because the child will be whining and arguing and pleading and you will teach them that this strategy works. I realized this when I was working in Campbelltown, whatever decision I made regarding what the four yr old was allowed to do I stuck to, even if moments later I thought better of it.

This also goes with punishments for children... or consequences if you like. If you decide on the spur of the moment that this is what will happen when you... and tell that to the child, that is what needs to happen. Even if you realize later that it was harsh or unrelated. If you don't follow through then the child sees that you don't actually mean what you say. This relates to the negative things but I reckon follows through to the positive things. If I lie about this thing I might lie about something more important to the child, like how I feel about him. If I break this promise then I might break another promise. I become untrustworthy. The main thing that this means is that I need to be careful to have considered consequences to ensure that they are not too harsh or irrelevant.

There is one thing I enjoy when training children up, especially when they reap the consequences of their actions, and that is to see the cause and effect link up in their minds even as they argue their case as to why they should get the lolly.