Tiredness

Some of the funniest conversations I have had with children have been about tiredness. These tend to be appreciated more when I am not tired myself. The conversation runs like this, Me: "We have had a big morning, when we get home you are going to need to lie down because you are tired." Child: (jumping, stomping and screaming) "I AM NOT TIRED!!!!!!"

Today we went out all morning, to dancing then for a play in the pool, and came home to watch a movie and have lunch. It was quite the pleasant day, slightly fractious because we were all tired, until the movie ended. The the inter-child squawking began, the flopping on the floor began, the inability to do ANYTHING they were asked began and the tears about nothing began. Because they were going out tonight, I made them all have a lie down. One fell asleep and the other two read or played quietly in bed and I read my book.

Resting was for everyone's benefit, had they remained out of bed, I would have lost it by dinner time. Had they remained out of bed, much crying would have happened. Had they remained out of bed they would have been too tired to be any use tonight. In the words of Mark Driscol, "Sometimes they just need a nap" (this applies to grown ups too)

I also have no problem, if I am tired and they are not, putting effort into making them tired so they do rest. Or making them have a lie down regardless because otherwise I will regret something I will say or do.

Barocca does wonders in dire circumstances.

Learning

The boys are learning violin, it is my happy (?) job to do violin practice with them in the afternoon. Because of this I also go to lessons with them so I know what they are doing. Now we are getting to the bit with actual music and using bows it is far more interesting for both me and the players.

I am also learning violin, by listening in on the lessons and playing the boys violins while nobody is here. They are tiny and my fingers are not so it is hard to play accurately, however because I can sing I can tell if the notes are right or wrong. I can also pick out a tune on a violin like I can on a piano. Today I worked out how to play some of "Do you hear what I hear" and also the chorus of
"Don't cry for me Argentina". Learning the violin a little bit with the boys is fun and is good for me. Also if I never try it I can't be much help.

Maybe when I am grown up I will learn to play one properly, and actual adult one instead of one sized for a 7 yr old.

Company

I love company. Even when I want alone time I usually want company while I am doing it. This seems weird except that what I seek from alone time is actually time to be Grown Up. Time to not have children squawking at me or each other. Time to sit quietly and do nothing, or go for a walk and say nothing, or go for a walk and talk (either to myself, God or an unlucky friend/stranger nearby). When I have Alone Time, I sing, I walk, I look at things, I read, I swim. All of these things are really good to do alone and I usually feel better. HOWEVER, all of these things I seem to enjoy more near/with people. I prefer reading in a room where my sisters, parents or brother is also reading. I would rather walk or swim with a friend or sister. I would DEFINITELY rather sing with somebody who enjoys the same music as me, plays the piano and can harmonize.

One reason why I wash up after church morning tea, or meals on camps and missions is because it is NEVER done alone, good conversations happen or fun singing of children's songs entertain us while we work.

I prefer company to alone time, and even when having alone time, I like to do it with company. It is only on very rare occasions, like when I am hurt/upset, or when I need to seriously consider and work through something that I really need time with just me and God.

Church Camps

I went on the church camp for the church I have been going to for 7 Sundays including the camp weekend. It was a family camp and really good teaching and a very good social and learning experience. It was hard though and this is why.

1) Though I have been on camps by myself before and even to ones knowing nothing and nobody prior to attending, they were leader camps where we were running kids programs so we got to know each other while working side by side. Also they were ALL 18 to 25 and NONE of them had children so one could converse for more then 5 minutes without interruption or distraction.

2) I had only been to the church meeting 6 times before so I had not met many people before. Because they all seemed to have been at the church for 1000 yrs, and I am not the shy and retiring type, I met lots of people who came to find out who I was. This is really good and the reason I was so keen to go, a wise person once said "You can achieve in relationships in one weekend at church camps what takes 6 months of Sunday meetings to achieve." However it does become tiring to constantly do the 20 questions conversation.

3) I did not have any family there, and I only knew one family there for more then one or two weeks. If I stayed close to them, that restricts my movement and socialness and also puts a burden on their family.

I spent all of Saturday meeting new people and meeting kids and doing creche and listening to talks and wandering around finding people to talk too and playing board games and by dinner time I was tired. I sat at a table feeling lonely in a crowd and wishing that a mum or a sister was here so that I could not be by myself and not have to do anything so tiring and find stuff out about people. I realized that in spite of convincing myself otherwise, tears were on their way so I went and hid somewhere for a private cry. I was SO tired of not knowing anyone.

On my way to my dorm in search of a hanky, I came across a couple I had met the week before who sat with me and were VERY nice and looked after me beautifully.

I now have much respect for the single people who went to our church camps without their families because I told them church camps were really good.

Good Times 2

Yesterday afternoon a friend and I went touristing. I am not usually big on touristing but we went to a quaint little lolly shop where you can watch the confectionery get made (though unfortunately not on Sundays) and buy interesting lollies, fudge and chocolate. We also went to a dairy farm and had hand made ice-cream and lay on the grass while the girls played in the park. What really made it special though was the conversational opportunities that the drive and the relaxing offered. We had some good, interesting and fun conversations in a relaxed atmosphere. It was pleasant weather and it was generally just perfect.

The other thing that made it special to me was the fun we had when we had a water fight. It is no secret that I enjoy a good water fight and yesterday we had a good one. After that I went to Sunday night bible study and enjoyed meeting some of the other people in the church as I made myself at home in their house.

My idea of a good time involves laughs and talking, energetic fun and comfortable relaxing. Yesterday was full to the brim with both of these things.

Monsters

What do you tell a three yr old or a four yr old about monsters? I don't introduce the concept of monsters to a child, that is usually not necessary, they already have a firm belief in them as an explanation for all the strange noises they hear at night. Also sometimes grown ups stupidly mention them as a real threat to enforce obedience. Terry Pratchett kind of gave me a clue as to how to help little kids deal with monsters and that is to give them the means to fight the monsters. When I was looking after a four yr old in Campbelltown, he came into my room most nights for a few weeks complaining of scary dreams. He didn't seem upset though so I let him lay down in my bed for a few minutes then took him back to his bed. One day I asked him about his scary dreams and if they had monsters, he said yes they were monsters. I said that the best way to get rid of monsters was to hide under the blanket and ask Jesus to take them away and to keep him safe. Jesus is heaps stronger and braver then the monsters. He was only allowed to come and wake me up IF the scary dream made him cry.

This year, the three yr old girl woke up at 3am crying so I went in to help. She had her light on and I asked her if she had a scary dream and she said that the monsters were coming in the window and she didn't want to sleep in her bed any more. "I want to sleep in your bed" I said there wasn't enough room in my bed but mummy had lots of room and I took her to her mothers bedroom. The next day I told her some strategies to fight monsters, one was the blanket one, monsters can't see you if you hide under the blanket, also turning on the light scares them away, also laughing at them makes them feel silly and they run away (I got that one from Harry Potter). I told her all this in secret in the car when nobody else could hear, that means it was valuable information and would definitely work. She hasn't had a nightmare since that I know of, though obviously I would go and help if she did have one.

Today we battled monsters and hid under my blanket with her babies. We curled up in chairs together and she made brave little expeditions, dodging the monsters, to collect/rescue various items. When the boys joined in the game we also fought them to scare them away.

Cat and mouse

The cat, caught a mouse the other day. The 7yr old suddenly yells that Annie has a frog and the 3yr old opened the door so she could go out and rescue it. Annie, being proud of her catch and wanting to show off, brought the mouse inside. Horrible memories of being the cause of a mouse loose in a house last year flooded into my head so when I saw it was a mouse I leaped, nay sprang into action. The first hope is to get the cat out without her dropping the mouse. The cat, upon being hassled by 3 children and a grown up, dropped the mouse in indignation. It was, happily, very sick and slow but not dead. The 3yr old, being closest, picked it up. I relieved her of the burden immediately to prevent it from biting her. She asked if she could pat it and I figured it wouldn't hurt since she already had mouse on her hands.

It was pretty sick which made it very docile so it sat comfortably in my hand while we took it across and let it go in the swamp. Afterwards, when I told my boss she said I should have given it back to the cat. I said I wasn't going to do that in front of the kids. In their eyes frogs and mice are both to be rescued from the mean cat.

Making decisions

The 7 yr old boy, the eldest in the family, feels like he is not getting enough playing time and that I am constantly nagging at him to do his jobs. Both of these things are true but neither are things I can help. After he brought these feelings to me I thought about it for a few days then said "The amount of playing time you get each day depends entirely on your choices and actions. If you choose to do your violin straight away, and do your homework without mucking around, then you will get more playing time. It will now be your choice WHEN you do your violin and homework but you are not allowed to play or read until they are done. You can choose to lie on the floor and put off the inevitable but it is your playing time you will waste."

We started this on Monday and it went pretty well, I reminded him that he could choose when but he was not allowed to complain about how much playing time he got. On Tuesday he collided with the boundary I set and sulked for 2 hours about having a bath before dinner. Unfortunately when and if he has a bath is not up to him. Also he hopes to put things off indefinitely and just not do them at all, however I am hoping to teach him to fulfill responsibilities before having leisure time.

It is already an improvement and he can't blame me for no play time. Since it is his decision to do violin practice now, he is more proactive. I will keep it up till the end of term and then re evaluate if it is working or not.

Holding your ground

My dad hears a lot about my life caring for children and especially the battles that I have with children. When we were doing the initial food shop for Summer School this year, dad felt the need to practice this skill on me. I suggested that buying half a cooked chicken, some salad and bread rolls would make a really nice, easy dinner and would put off the one-pot-wonders situation for another day. Dad said "no, he didn't feel like anything so greasy as chicken" I really did so I argued and, because I was tired, complained a bit. He continued to say no, we wouldn't get chicken, we could get cold ham.

Towards the end of the shop HE went to the chocolate isle to choose some chocolate and things "for mum" and as we were heading to the checkout he said "Did you notice that I held my ground about the chicken? When I said no and you argued, I didn't give in" I gaped at him and then said "But you went and got CHOCOLATE. I was asking for a logical meal food"

Being Alone

There are a few different kinds of being alone, some good and some not good.

The first one is the "I have nobody to spend time with at the moment" This is a kind of forced alone-ness and can have different effect on people

The second kind is the "I need a bit of alone time from being friendly and social" This is voluntary and usually pleasant.

Both of these alone times can be cheerful or depressing, and the depressing kind can be cleansing or blaming of others.

Being alone and going for a walk and singing sad lonely songs, like On My Own from Les Mis if one of my favourite passtimes. This is one of the cleansing depressing times alone and I usually come back feeling better. Being alone and pleasantly taking the time to look at things and enjoy things while singing cheerful Disney songs or talking to myself or God is another really good alone time. Both of these require rhythmic movement like walking, swimming or digging.

Sometimes though the alone time is spent with me venting to myself about how frustrating everyone else is and how none of this is my fault. After a little while, I start feeling silly as God reminds me to be less self absorbed then I get happy.

Talking on the phone is not really alone time, sometimes in the first kind of loneliness, when there is just nobody else, I ring someone for company and usually vent or talk mindlessly to them.

Vulture Children

Have you ever noticed that when a child gets himself into strife, either of the discipline sort or the "oops, that wasn't supposed to happen and now a grown up is here" sort, other children crowd round to watch the carnage. I noticed it today. I heard some distressed tears and, following them to their source, found a child in the toilet who had accidentally made a mess and unsuccessfully cleaned it up. He had tried so hard to clean it up before being found in disgrace that he had clogged the toilet with toilet paper. Trying to flush the toilet was what brought on the tears because the water wouldn't go away.

I went in and he said "I got poo everywhere, I couldn't clean it up and I got it EVERYWHERE... there is poo everywhere." I told him we could fix this up, it's ok. So he said "There's even poo on my shorts, and shirt (near his collar believe it or not) and my shoes." I assured him we could fix it and set about doing this. The whole time his younger sister was "helping" with a big grin on her face and just as we finished and she had to get her hair done, she gleefully informed her mother what had happened.

Children are vultures when another child is in some form of trouble. They come from near and far to watch thee show while the poor child in the middle just wishes he could hide under a bed.

Real Estate Pride

It is quite funny, real estate pride. I am not sure if it is a bad thing or not, but I have noticed something about it.

Real Estate Pride is most often demonstrated when one visits a friend for the first time and one is shown all around the house and yard. This is partly manners too because it helps visitors locate the toilets with needing to ask. The strange thing I noticed though is that even when not at home, we sometimes get Real Estate Pride at other places, for example where we are holidaying. I know that if I had a friend come to Summer School with me for the first time, I would be very excited to show them around the camp site and show them the sights of dirt, rocks and large brown sheds and big white tents.

The reason I noticed this Holiday Real Estate Pride is because yesterday I went to visit some friends I knew in Sydney who were staying near where I am. After lunch they took me all around their holiday place and showed me the Gym, the game room, the pool, the sauna and all the other random attractions of the place.

It wasn't until later that I realized this is the same as showing someone around your house, or showing someone a cross stitch you did.

Again, not sure if it a bad thing

Happiness

Today when I went to church it was at the end of a rough week and the promise of another rough week. I walked in and stood there wondering where to sit and should I go and bother the nice people who I already know or should I sit somewhere I can potentially meet new people. As I was deliberating I noticed someone waving to me and after staring for a few seconds realized it was the last person I expected to see there.

The church minister from when I was a child in Sydney was in the area and he and his wife decided to go to the church and see if they could find me. I was so excited to see them that I couldn't sit still. We had lunch and a walk and a swim but the really nice thing about today was unexpectedly seeing some friendly faces of people who knew me and had history. There isn't much because I can't remember much but still. It had a similar effect on me as if my grandparent came to visit unexpectedly. It really made my day, especially since I was a bit fragile. God is good.