New plan

In karate, when we are sparring, sometimes you block their attack, sometimes to counter with a strike of your own, and sometimes you step out of the way so your opponent goes flying past. This is a bizarre feeling, like when you think their in one more step going up then there actually is, or when you think the milk bottle is full and it isn't.
I made it through two terms without the kids learning which buttons to push to annoy me, then at the end of term two the little 4 yr old worked it out. Tears, tantrums and grizzles don't really annoy me, I can watch a child throw themselves on the floor in a shop and scream at the top of their lungs and know that I am doing the right thing by not giving in.
What really gets me annoyed is when a child intentionally does the wrong thing... twice. Then they look at you with this little smile and wait to see how you will react. I usually reacted badly, getting angry, removing privileges, toys, whatever. I never stopped to think why the child was doing this and what she was gaining.

After talking to a friend of mine, I realized what I should have realized before which is that the child had my undivided attention that lasted for as long as she rebelled. Then once she did as I had asked, I was usually so worn out I didn't give any positive reinforcement. After realizing this, I devised a plan of response for the next time we locked horns. My plan was to calmly state that she needed to do as I had asked (put on PJ's) before she was welcome to come out of her bedroom. Then ignore her completely until she had done as I had asked.
Helpfully when we next began to lock horns, I remembered the plan, gave her the PJ's and asked her to put them on then shut the door and left. There was a child doing EVERYTHING she could to get my attention, coming out, running away when I got up to get something, trying to tell me things, whinging, crying, and much much more. Suddenly I heard the cry change and she vanished, the next time she came out she had her PJ's on and we had a cuddle.

For her it was like missing a step in the dark, she expected me to push back but I wasn't there at all. When there is nothing to push against, you feel silly keeping on pushing.

Mental Children.

There was an episode at the end of last term when one of the children had a little bit of lime and pineapple flavoured chocolate and went crazy. She was disobedient and jumpy and violent and loud and unreasonable. This was different to a tantrum because tantrums wear the child out and they become repentant and reasonable afterwards. This was sustained, defiant, intentional, unstoppable disobedience.

There has always been an awareness that some foods affect all three, however the checking of food had become relaxed. I have begun to ask around and find out from her teacher and from other parents what they have noticed with their children and with her. I asked her teacher if she noticed any unusual behaviour after eating certain food to let me know. She said that usually she has a roll up in the afternoon and then she becomes a bit silly. Another lady said twisties are almost guaranteed to set kids off.

Yesterday she ate good food all day, she was home all day and I was there for every meal and snack that she had. Still she was a bit crazy in the afternoon. I could think of nothing that she had eaten that could set this off. I though maybe tv instead of resting was the problem. She was testing being violent, she refused to wear footwear, she lost all her babies and their friends, she was not allowed to play, she was unrepentantly obnoxious for about 2 hours. Maybe more except that the movie was on so I didn't notice.

Today it was discovered that there was a cough lolly wrapper in her bed. She must have sneaked it when we weren't looking. That kind of cough lolly had previously set her off.

We are going to do a health kick for the kids and drop all their rubbish food. They can learn to like real food, or they can starve.