New plan

In karate, when we are sparring, sometimes you block their attack, sometimes to counter with a strike of your own, and sometimes you step out of the way so your opponent goes flying past. This is a bizarre feeling, like when you think their in one more step going up then there actually is, or when you think the milk bottle is full and it isn't.
I made it through two terms without the kids learning which buttons to push to annoy me, then at the end of term two the little 4 yr old worked it out. Tears, tantrums and grizzles don't really annoy me, I can watch a child throw themselves on the floor in a shop and scream at the top of their lungs and know that I am doing the right thing by not giving in.
What really gets me annoyed is when a child intentionally does the wrong thing... twice. Then they look at you with this little smile and wait to see how you will react. I usually reacted badly, getting angry, removing privileges, toys, whatever. I never stopped to think why the child was doing this and what she was gaining.

After talking to a friend of mine, I realized what I should have realized before which is that the child had my undivided attention that lasted for as long as she rebelled. Then once she did as I had asked, I was usually so worn out I didn't give any positive reinforcement. After realizing this, I devised a plan of response for the next time we locked horns. My plan was to calmly state that she needed to do as I had asked (put on PJ's) before she was welcome to come out of her bedroom. Then ignore her completely until she had done as I had asked.
Helpfully when we next began to lock horns, I remembered the plan, gave her the PJ's and asked her to put them on then shut the door and left. There was a child doing EVERYTHING she could to get my attention, coming out, running away when I got up to get something, trying to tell me things, whinging, crying, and much much more. Suddenly I heard the cry change and she vanished, the next time she came out she had her PJ's on and we had a cuddle.

For her it was like missing a step in the dark, she expected me to push back but I wasn't there at all. When there is nothing to push against, you feel silly keeping on pushing.