5 Love Languages, if you are not familiar with them, are Words of Affirmation (meaningful compliments), Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Gifts. People speak different love languages and if two people speak different love languages in a relationship, then both people can feel that they are being unloved.
The same is true for children, they also have primary love languages. All love languages need to be spoken to children, but they have a main one that speaks love clearly. You can use the primary love language of an adult or child to either build them up and fill them, or crush them to the ground. For a words child, teasing and criticism will crush him, for a quality time child, unhappy separation will will make them feel rejected, for the physical touch child physical disciplines like smacking will crush them.
When a child has been unmanageable for long enough, I finally realize the problem may be an empty long tank. I realized this last week regarding the little girl I care for. She was frustratingly disobedient and defiant or just pretending she didn't hear or that slowly moving in the wrong direction was pretty much obedience. This had been going for maybe 2 weeks before I twigged and realized her love tank was probably empty. I was not entirely sure what her love language was but I figured it out pretty quickly when I mentioned the possibility of "girl time". Apparently her love language is quality time and then physical touch. Unfortunately to fill her tank she needed more then the 1 or 2 hours she got a couple of times a week. I spent lots of Friday with her and all of Wednesday with her just doing things, we cleaned out the freezer and took a load of junk to the op shop. Her love tank filled up and she was happy again. Also I remembered that I like her as well. Mine is quality time so we go well together.
The challenge is keeping 3 children's love tanks full when they speak different languages and drag on your focus at different times. Now it is the 5 yr old's turn, I need to work out his and fill him up because he has become grouchy and unhelpful. I am pretty sure it is physical touch though.
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