Compulsive habits

There is something magical about having a pen in your hand, or a pair of scissors. When I have a pair of scissors in my hand I begin to look around for something to cut. If nothing permissible is in reach, rather then go to find a piece of paper or similar, I begin to carefully cut things that I probably shouldn't, thus the hairs on rugs and carpets in our house are slightly shorter then they should be. You will be pleased to know I am pretty sure I have grown out of this.

The same holds true for holding a pen or pencil. If I have a pen in my hand, something will be drawn on. This usually includes paper but in the past has included walls and furniture (sorry mum). Most often though it is skin, shoes or clothes. Trying to make constellations between freckles on my arm, seeing how many little stars I can draw on my ankle, writing song words on my leg/arm/jeans/shoes, drawing pretty swirly patterns on my hands and for a while there drawing faces on my finger tips.

Tonight at bible study I was doodling on my jeans while listening to prayer points and the lady sitting beside me said I shouldn't draw there. She was slightly turned away from me so when I forgot to not do this after around 5 seconds I drew many little pictures on my knee and she couldn't see. She suddenly looked round once I had stopped for a moment, lifted the paper that was covering the drawings, sighed and removed the pen from my hand. That method is the only way to stop the need to draw or cut if I have a pen or scissors in my hands.