Scar

That Missy Higgins song Scar is one I extremely didn't like at all when I was younger. I still don't particularly like Missy Higgins now, but I quite like that song. This song is helpful to me because it fits well. I have not made a mess of my life (yet) and God has not thrown any huge challenges at me (yet), but it still fits.

I am a strange person, different and unexpected to what people think I should be like. I am also annoying in some ways and loud and happy and excitable. Some things I am fine with people suggesting changes, selfishness, pride, laziness whatever. They are not positive traits and, while I do not enjoy hearing about them, I do want to change those. The aspects of my character that I get very resentful about people trying to change are the ones that make me me. My laugh, my loud energy, my happiness, skipping, running, the way I dress, my talking, my singing. None of these are bad or wrong in me, I do not dress immodestly, just boringly, and for most of the other things, I work with children, it is good.

A few years ago I had real trouble with being ridiculed into changing who I am. I got mocked and told off for skipping across paddocks, (it was quicker) I got teased for being loud and excitable. I got in trouble for dancing at a concert with the little boy because of what other people would think. I regularly got told, by the parents I worked for and the children, that I was not very grown up. Most of the time I was able to brush these off but occasionally I got upset and felt pressured into changing into someone I did not want to be. At these times, Scar was very helpful for expressing how I felt.

Gladly this is not happening now (much) though I do nothing to discourage it. I suspect my Non Grown Upness is my outer identity at church and with friends. I am very capable and competent at work.