Is apparently a thing I am lacking when I feel like people are not trying. This is not when they actually can't do a thing, just when they don't try. This is because I know that they can do what I am asking, or that they will enjoy doing what I suggest. Unfortunately it is fear of failure which prevent people, including children, from attempting things. Then, when I am impatient and easily frustrated, they begin to worry more about getting it wrong and not even trying. The safe thing to do is to say "I can't" or "I don't know". The thing to do to help with this is to give them victories and wins. Prove to them that what you said about their abilities is true. That when you say they will enjoy something, that they will.
I suppose this is down more to trust. If they trust that I will not shame them when they make a mistake, or growl at them for getting it wrong, they will try more and more to have a go. AAAARGH!!!!!!
I will need to practice much patience and love and encouragement.
I read an article about how children who are good at things and are told they are clever, become afraid of disappointing themselves or others and don't try things they think they aren't going to be good at. Instead of telling a child they are clever, which ties performance up in their identity, you are better to praise how hard they worked for example, so that they know that just having a go is the main thing and being succeeding or failing isn't. So "well done on practicing that song so much and getting better at it", rather than "you're really good at playing the piano".
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