Sad News

On Friday last week, I had the farrier out o Nick and in the process of trimming his hooves he unearthed an underlying problem we hadn't known about. This was stifle lock, if you want to see youtube clips of what a horse looks like with stifle lock type in "Cowboy Stifle Lock" into youtube and watch the one with the yellow (palomino) horse.

Nick wasn't as severe as Cowboy but he was pretty close. Cowboy was lucky and his owner could afford an operation so he improved and could be used again. I couldn't afford the operation and it was too severe a problem to exercise out and so he couldn't be ridden or sold. Unfortunately this only left one option for me. On Tuesday he was put down, while I wasn't there. On Monday the kids and I said goodbye. I had had him for two weeks and he was a beautiful, gentle, pleasant, dopey horse. I would not have hesitated to put a child on his back.

On Monday afternoon the children said goodbye to him, I tied him to the gate and the little four yr old girl went up and hugged his front leg like it was a tree and he just stood there. He would have been worth the expense if I had had sufficient money to afford the operation and he would have made a perfect riding school horse.

I miss Nick a lot, every time I go out with the kids to ride and feed I am reminded that Nick is no longer there. I have waited for a while so I can write what happened without getting too upset. I cried all day on Monday when I found out, and then I have not cried since.

Being Alone

There are a few different kinds of being alone, some good and some not good.

The first one is the "I have nobody to spend time with at the moment" This is a kind of forced alone-ness and can have different effect on people

The second kind is the "I need a bit of alone time from being friendly and social" This is voluntary and usually pleasant.

Both of these alone times can be cheerful or depressing, and the depressing kind can be cleansing or blaming of others.

Being alone and going for a walk and singing sad lonely songs, like On My Own from Les Mis if one of my favourite passtimes. This is one of the cleansing depressing times alone and I usually come back feeling better. Being alone and pleasantly taking the time to look at things and enjoy things while singing cheerful Disney songs or talking to myself or God is another really good alone time. Both of these require rhythmic movement like walking, swimming or digging.

Sometimes though the alone time is spent with me venting to myself about how frustrating everyone else is and how none of this is my fault. After a little while, I start feeling silly as God reminds me to be less self absorbed then I get happy.

Talking on the phone is not really alone time, sometimes in the first kind of loneliness, when there is just nobody else, I ring someone for company and usually vent or talk mindlessly to them.